When most people are in the bedroom setting staring a rumpus night of nookie in the face, they tend to grab for whatever prophylactic is sitting in the drawer of the bedside stand. But then there are those that go above and beyond; they restrain their unbridled enthusiasm and reach for the condom that does way more than protect against diseases and unplanned baby time. They reach for a personally customized condom.

  Ah yes, the custom designed condom. There is no better way to show your partner what you are really all about.  Here are a couple of design ideas that might help illuminate your inner self to the vixen lying on your bed.

I’m Irish and I’m proud.  

Just in case she is unclear about how stoked you are about your heritage, just put on one of these and all confusion will be cleared up.  With a little bit of luck from you Irish wrapper, your lassie will soon be way more than Erin Go Bragh-less.


 

Warning: I’m Huge.

 If she didn’t see the warning signs when she saw how big your feet are, take one of these out and her eyes will go wide.  Size does matter, but with great power comes great responsibility. Be fair and warn her for what she is in for.


 

I probably won’t remember you in the morning.  

You aren’t a jerk if you give the gal notification that you are in beer goggle mode. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you’ve never had sex sober, just as long as you are upfront about it. Brandishing one of these is about as straight forward as it gets.


 

I either love puppets and/or I am a serial killer.  

It’s never a bad thing to be playful in the act of reproduction, however whipping out whatever the hell this thing is might be taking things way too far.  Not too many girls over the age of 10 like clowns, so by attaching one to the part of your body that will get to know her best may result in an awkward encounter or a visit from the police.




 

I’m witty with words and I like sports.

While showcasing your love of sports could seem stereotypical to the average lady, incorporating a witty one liner about your appreciation of her well kept rear- end will surely leave her feeling flattered. After all, when putting this lil guy on, your telling her that she made the cut and is worthy of your affection.  Hut, hut, hike!  

I’m an attention getter and I think I am hilarious.

When you put your face on the condom you are about to use, you are taking a big risk. It can either be seen as hilarious or as a cry for attention. “Look at me,” cries the wrapper, “I want to be the center of attention!” This is a problem because most women love to get attention, not give it. Use extreme caution with this condom; it might be a last minute deal breaker.