Packer fans thought it would never happen. Brett Farve wants to come back to the NFL and doesn’t want to play for Green Bay. Unless Packer’s GM Ted Thompson decides to release #4, who has three years and $39 million left in his contract with the organization, Brett will never step on a NFL field again. What is Mr. Favre to do with himself?

 

He is 39, which is still a young age. On top of that, he is a go-getter; the type that thrives on being busy and rolling up his sleeves, getting dirty. So if he can’t toss the pigskin – just what is the Favremeister to do with himself?

 

 

 

Lifeguard-

 

A lifeguard is the key master of the beach, just as the quarterback is emperor of the offense. Both need to recognize their respective danger zones; a quarterback reads receiver coverage and avoids blitzes whereas a lifeguard watches for sharks.

 

I don’t know if he can swim, but Brett has lots of experience troubleshooting danger, so he should feel right at home holding down the lifeguard tower. Eat your heart out David Hasselhoff, the hottest lifeguard station on the beach is tower 4.

 

 

 

 

 

 

School Bus Driver-

 

A QB needs to have determination to take his teammates to the end zone, much like how a school bus driver needs to be driven in order to get the kids to school in one piece. A bus driver must have great concentration, because fifty or sixty grade-schoolers screaming in full force can be louder than a sold out Lambeau Field. This is do or die time. Does the driver have the poise to push beyond the noise or will he have to call time out.? Favre has proven time and time again that he has what it takes to deliver and get into the zone. The school zone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Skateboarder-

 

One other sport has equal or greater injury potential than pro football, and that is skateboarding. Misjudging a rail or under jumping a huge ramp can leave a scar or deformity that would cause John Madden to have a permanent stutter.  It’s no secret that the best skaters have proven to be injury resistant and durable. This is why #4 is a natural born kick-push champion.  Look up “durable” in the dictionary, and you will find a picture of Brett Favre, because I taped his photo in every dictionary ever made. Besides, if Tony Hawk, who just turned 40, is still killing the vert ramp, Brett should be able to at least pull off a kick flip.  Question: Does Wrangler Jeans sponsor boarders?

 

 

 

 

 

 Governor of Wisconsin-

 

Maybe Favre isn’t the savviest guy on the block, but if Brett took his game to the political arena, he’d be the head cheese in no time. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse “The Body” Ventura... he has it in the bag.

 

 

 

 

 

Lumberjack-

 

A lumberjack wears a hardhat. Brett wears a helmet. A lumberjack uses an axe to cut down trees. Brett uses a football to shred through tree-like safeties and cornerbacks. A lumberjack drives a pickup truck. Favre drives a pickup truck. Brett could easily make the transition. He wouldn’t even have to pick up an axe. The sheer force of him throwing a football could knock down any tree. Bret is a real man’s man. He eats raw meat and can terrify a Grizzly bear by shouting thunderously loud play audiles.  Move on over Paul Bunyan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crash Test Dummy-

 

During the Ray Rhodes and Mike Sherman eras of Brett’s career, due to having an offensive line that resembled Swiss cheese, he got severely beat down by blood-thirsty defensive lines. Amazingly, he got up after every hit. He even seemed to enjoy the pain (see NSFW job: Dominatrix). Being a crash test dummy would surely deliver all the pain the Brett could ever desire and a whole lot more. And it might give him a chance to have a reunion with his long lost pals Jack Daniels and Vicodin.