With the college football season finally upon us, everybody seems to be stirring over Georgia, Florida, and all the other top-ranked schools.  Who’s going to win it all?  Who’s going to choke?  What will be the biggest upset?  Enough already.  The AP released its preseason poll a few weeks ago, and you can pretty much guess who’s in the top ten. 

I think the underdogs deserve some love.  But perhaps even that’s a bit generous – I’m referring to the teams who are utterly hopeless.  They’re out there working hard just like every other team; the only difference is that – well – they suck.  They’re the schedule-fillers.  The blowout victims.  The teams we so freely dub a ‘joke.’  The winners are always under the spotlight, so I’m calling an audible and giving the losers some recognition for once.

Here’s how they line up:
           
10.  UAB
Over the past two seasons, the Blazers have won a staggering five games.  Last year, new head coach Neil Callaway took over this depleted system and raised the bar for academic standards and offseason conditioning, which led to players failing out or leaving the school.  Doesn’t Neil know that athletes aren’t scholars?  Just ask Chad Johnson.

9.   SMU
They had a dreadful 1-11 finish last year, with their only win coming against North Texas, who finished 2-10.  They allowed 40+ points seven times last year, and opponents had more than twice as many rushing scores.  New head coach June Jones brings promise to a struggling program, but let’s face it: the Mustangs have enjoyed only one winning season over the past 20 years.  Brutal.

 

8.  NIU
The Huskies are coming off a 2-10 season, during which their defense allowed an average of 434 yards per game and turnovers were standard.  Players will be adjusting to a new coaching staff after the departure of Joe Novak, and this spring, almost 20 players missed time due to injuries.  Four of their first five games are on the road, and playing at Tennessee should be fun, too.  It could be another cold winter.       

7.  Minnesota
Last year, the Golden Gophers didn’t win a single conference game, and finished with a disgraceful 1-11 record.  Their defense was the worst in the nation, so it’s safe to say that there’s going to be somewhat of a makeover.  Sophomore quarterback Adam Weber will be returning, but this team is still young, depleted, and inexperienced.  Not exactly a promising combination. Might have ONE thing going for them.

6.  Idaho 
The Vandals finished 1-11 last season and just keep getting worse.  Their offense was sporadic, and their defense was pathetic.  They haven’t enjoyed a winning season since 1999, and they haven’t vandalized anyone but themselves.  But hey, they can only go in one direction from here, right?  Better hope so.

5.  Syracuse
The Orangemen were pitiful last year (2-10), and are a favorite to finish last in the Big East again this year.  Under head coach Greg Robinson, they are just 7-28 overall and poor recruiting has them looking grim.  Robinson needs a strong year to save his job, but with half of last year’s starters gone, he’s not going to get it.

4.  UNLV
Over the past three seasons, the Rebels have mustered a total of six wins, including a 2-10 finish in 2007.  Under head coach Mike Sanford, they are 6-29, and have won only three conference games in as many years.  Granted they’ve had to deal with some injuries, but they still lack talent and depth.  My guess is they’ll need to hit the strip hard again after this season.

3.  Utah St.
Well, the Aggies have been in agony for a while now.  The program has struggled for the better part of a decade, and has little hope going forward.  After dropping its first ten games last season, it was able to salvage the final two to finish 2-10 – and this was with 20 returning starters.  Sadly enough, the season opener at UNLV was their best shot, because it’s all downhill from there.

2.  Florida International
How can you argue with a winless season in 2006 and a 1-11 record last year?  You can’t – that’s just embarrassing.  And who did their lone win come against?  That would be North Texas, a team that finished an impressive 2-10 last year.  But it gets better: before this victory, the Panthers had lost 23 consecutive games.  Need I say more?   

1.  Duke
The Blue Devils take the cake because of their rich history of failure.  They haven’t won a conference game since 2004, and are a disgraceful 13-90 since 1999.  In fact, Duke even broke a contract with Louisville to avoid playing them, and Louisville sued, but a judge recently ruled that Duke was so bad that it would be easy to find a worthy replacement.  Stick to basketball and lacrosse, guys.

The Ultimate Loser

Prairie View A&M
While we’re at it, how about some props to the worst team in college football history?  That would be Prairie View A&M, a Division I-AA school in Texas.  Last year, they enjoyed their first winning season since 1976 and from 1989-1998, the Panthers managed to lose a record 80 consecutive games.  And I thought 23 was a good run.
 

Maybe some of them have Attractive Girls at least.

Or ridiculously Hot Girls.